i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
