This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
