U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
