this just has baby written all over it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
