The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
where does the pee come out of this thing
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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