i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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