So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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