i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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