oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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