I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
