He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
