i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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