tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I love having hate sex.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
