why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
