i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
