Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
