i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
