She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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