Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My feet surprised me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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