Kiss
Puke
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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