My hair reeks of homosexuality.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
