i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
A bitchslap is in order.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
