: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
