Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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