I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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