Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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