true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
