ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
