she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
