drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
