Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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