Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
