worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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