We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
