Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
