So drunk its hurt
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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