I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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