Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
