i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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