I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
