I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
