I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
