Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
