that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
