I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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