So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
