We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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