I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
