i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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