Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
