He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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