It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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